Two days after we buried my Mom, Dad and I went around town running errands – the practical things that need to be done when someone passes away. Changing the title on the house, banking, insurance, retrieving the wills, etc. By late afternoon we were tired and sad – sharing stories about Mom and wandering around a shopping mall aimlessly together.
We decided to stop and have a coffee and Dad said he wanted to talk to me about something. I thought we’d covered just about everything. Apparently not.
Without hesitation or preamble (Aspergers), he announced that he would not be waiting to find another wife. He couldn’t be alone. He wanted to travel, and he wanted a companion. Keep in mind that this was the man who knew to the hour how much time he had spent sitting in the hospital with Mom. I tried to remind myself that this man did love my Mom very much, and would have done anything for her. They shared a love and a passion that was impossible to ignore. I bit my lip and let him carry on. He wasn’t asking if I was OK with this, this was simply an announcement. The tears were so close, but I kept it together. I knew my Dad, and I knew how his mind worked, but this hurt me to the core.
A week or so later, the family home pretty much purged of Mom’s things (I knew if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done for months), my niece picked me up to take me to the airport. I said goodbye to my Dad – so hard – he cried and held onto me like I was taking the last bit of life away from the house. I look a lot like my Mom, and my Dad and I had an odd relationship – too close, stopping only at the edge of sick and creepy. I left sad, angry and confused.
He was true to his word. He spent months chasing around town for a wife. We spoke weekly and I had to listen to every detail and give advice. I bit my tongue a lot. I kept reminding myself of who he was – he just didn’t understand that what he was doing and saying was so hurtful and wrong.
He came to Australia for eight weeks, and yes it was difficult. ML didn’t understand my Dad and his “ways”, and the lack of verbal filter. I was working full time out of the house, ML was running his company from his home office. Yeah. Not good.
We made it through, but the man who came to visit was not my Dad. This guy was flirting (badly), and ogling women. Ewech. It tore me apart and nauseated me at the same time. I didn’t know this man. It was like he had been reprogrammed. MUST. FIND. WIFE.
Now, they do say that people who enjoyed being married and lose their spouse, will try to find another spouse rather quickly. But it had only been about six months, and I just couldn’t deal with it. I cried a lot, and I was angry a lot, but I couldn’t show it. I tried to be understanding and supportive, but I was glad when he went back home.
He found someone shortly afterwards. Or rather she found him. She was a widow from our church, and as soon as she found out Dad was already looking, she got her claws into him quick smart. She was older than Dad, and legally blind. She needed a full time carer or she would have to go into a home. Good deal all round. Dad sold the family home (to my brother – whole other story), they married and moved into her retirement village home. Prenups and wills were drawn up – all very clear and clean. Her kids were happy to have someone else looking after her, and Dad had his wife.
This doesn’t end well. And it’s another two parter.
Life on a Blue Moon 